


Shikaku's Box

by R_4_L



Series: Konoha 12 [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Bullying, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-18 15:24:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8166644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_4_L/pseuds/R_4_L
Summary: I always wanted to know what Shikaku had stored in a box that he wanted Shikamaru to get rid of.  I imagine that Yoshino Nara knew exactly what was in it and where it was.It's just over a year after the fourth Ninja War and weeks before "Sakura's Ordeal" so it should be Konoha 12 2.5 not 4Shikamaru finally has the time and is in the right frame of mind to look after the  final request from his father.  Contains references to constent bullying and suicidal thoughts, please be aware if these are triggers for you





	1. The Opening

**Author's Note:**

> Naruto is the creation of Masashi Kishimoto. I am nothing but a fan.

Shikamaru sat on the floor in his bedroom and stared at the box in front of him. It had been sitting in the bottom of his closet for just over a year now and it was time to go through it. When his father had asked him to get rid of it just before he passed, Shikamaru had been tempted to just burn the whole thing with looking at it. Something had stopped him, that would have been his mother's reaction, so he put it in his closet and left it. Now he had the time to go through it properly. His mother was on a trip to a bath house for a couple of days and he had some time off.

"Alright, let's do this," his voice echoed softly into the quiet room.

Lifting the lid of the box he wasn't surprised to see porn magazines. Setting each one aside he kept digging. There were about twenty, and Shikamaru was again tempted to just toss the entire box, but something made him continue removing each magazine and flip through it before setting it aside.

"What the hell is this?" Stuck inside one of the magazines was a piece of paper with his writing on it. He remembered his father asking him to write it out, back when he had just started going to the academy. It had seemed like a spelling test to him except that he had been given the list of 100 words pairs and been asked to copy them. Setting it off to one side he continued.

"Now this is interesting Dad." There under the next couple of magazines were a number of journals. All small 15cm X 20cm moleskin journals in three different colors, and all of them filled to the end with his dad's handwriting. The only descriptive mark on the outside of the journals was a small number in the corner. Grabbing number 16 he flipped it open to read and was confronted with code. Opening another he was confronted with more code. Each and every journal was not only written entirely in code, but it seemed that each journal was written in a different code. Well his father had been the Jonin commander and smart enough to know that anything could be compromised. Finding the first three journals, Shikamaru set them aside. He opened the beige one, the rest of the journals he put back in the box and pushed it under his bed. The magazines he stuffed in a paper bag and pushed them back into the closet. Walking outside he sat down on the porch and leaned against one of the support beams. Studying the first page he tried to figured out just what code his father had used. The journal seemed to be a personal one, going by the layout. So what code did his father know well enough to write fluidly.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be relaxing? It's not even noon and already you looked perplexed."

Shikamaru looked up as Choji joined him on the porch.

"Yeah well," Shikamaru shrugged, "I finally went through that box of my Dads."

"And?"

"Well there were magazines just like I thought, but there were also these journals." He handed the one he brought out over to his best friend.

Choji opened it, "looks like code. Do you know which one?"

"No, it had to be one that he knew well because the writing is smooth and continuous. Unfortunately he knew hundreds of codes like that."

"Would my Dad know?"

Shikamaru shrugged, Choza and his Dad had been best friends for decades, so it was possible. "I want to try it myself for a bit before I talk to your Dad or my Mom."

Choji handed the book back, "well you know your Dad best, and he knew you. He likely left the key in plain sight."

"Choji, you're brilliant." Shikamaru went back inside to grab the list of words he had copied for his father years ago. That was the key. Looking closely he realized that the first pair of words were in fact the key to the code in the first journal. "Alright, now just to see what Dad wrote."

Choji just smiled and left his friend to it. He had originally come over to check on how Shikamaru was doing with his enforced holiday. He had collapsed last month from overwork, thankfully Shino had been there. He promised himself that he would keep a closer eye on both Shikamaru and Ino. The party they'd had was the first time in months that everyone had been together and he had watched the stress just fade from Shikamaru's face the longer he had been with Temari and everyone else. Today's mission had been to see how he was holding up and if Shikamaru had wanted to do some training with him, but these journals meant more to his friend. He hadn't seen Shikamaru this excited for a while. Choji left without saying anything, the Nara knew where to find him if he wanted to talk.

Shikamaru started reading, ignoring everything around him immersed as he was in his father's writing.

" _I finally found out who will be on my genin team. Choza Akimichi and Inoichi Yamanaka. The three of us have unique jutsus, we may be able to work them together to create something amazing. Of course the clans have high hopes for us. It's the first time members from all three clans have been paired up as genin, instead of forming a team after the Chunin exams. We've been working together in our spare time and now we can focus on perfecting the Ino-Shika-Cho maneuver. Choza is opinionated and Inoichi thinks he knows everything. I hope their attitudes change, or at least get tempered."_

Shikamaru hadn't realized that the Ino-Shika-Cho had started with their fathers. It was kinda amazing that his old man had worked with Choza and Inoichi to create something so awe inspiring.

_"Minato has announced his engagement to Kushina Uzumaki. It's no real surprise to the majority of us. The pair have been dating for a couple of years now. Choza is against the marriage. His argument is that since Kushina is a jinchuriki and Minato is being groomed as the next Hokage that there is too much at risk. We all counter with the argument that the first Hokage's wife was also a jinchuriki. For now we'll let him think about it."_

Shikamaru thought back to all the times that Choza had been there for the group. Sure he always supported Choji, Ino and himself, but had he helped anyone else? Shikamaru didn't think Choza had anything against anyone of their friends.

_"Yoshino has managed to convince Choza to at least give the pair a chance. I think between her and Kushina, he has no chance. No one can withstand Kushina's charm for long and Yoshino has always had way of winning arguments. That's one of the reasons I love her so."_

Reading about Kushina, Shikamaru could picture a female version of Naruto only a little less rough around the edges. The thought made him smile. Kakashi always said that Naruto's gift is his unfailing ability to make friends in any situation with anyone at all. The surprise though was reading about his mother through his father's eyes. Shikaku had often said that his mother had made him smile and that was why he loved her, but through his father's words he was seeing a part of her he didn't know. The rest of the journal was his father's impression of Minato and Kushina's wedding. Training with Choza and Inoichi. Inoichi and his wife opening the flower store. It ended with Minato being installed as Hokage. Shikamaru caressed the cover of the journal as he closed it. His father hadn't written everyday, just things that had seemed important to him. It didn't even seem to be a journal a year. Going back inside he grabbed the next couple of journals, sticking with the same color and looked at the key before heading to the kitchen to make some tea. Sitting at the table he started on journal number two. This one seemed to be about who was pregnant and who had a child. Shikamaru learned how excited his father was for his birth, how he had helped to celebrate Ino and Choji's birth and how the three Jonin had vowed that their children would carry on the Ino-Shika-Cho formation. He read about Sasuke's birth and celebration surrounding Hinata. Mixed in was the story of Naruto's birth and the enormous cost it brought to the village including the death of Kushina and the Fourth Hokage, Minato. The story was an old one, at least the basics were, but this was a different take on it. His father had a unique perspective as a Jonin, someone who had gained the Hokage's trust and respect and as a new father. He had written of how the Third Hokage had come out of retirement and the decree to keep Naruto ignorant of his parents and the circumstances of his birth.

The next journal went over the slaughter of the Uchiha clan and his father's suspicions of who was really behind it. Then more everyday stuff.

_"I was really proud of Shikamaru today. He's been at the academy for a couple of months now and he's starting to make some new friends. I could ask that he be more ambitious but the laziness might just be a family trait. He asked about Naruto at supper, when I wanted his opinion he let me know that he thought Naruto funny but not someone he was going to go out of his way to avoid or befriend. Yoshino figures the two will become great friends if for no other reason then Shikamaru doesn't really like to follow the status quo."_

Shikamaru smiled in remembrance. He recalled how his parents seemed to be the only ones not to forbid his playing with Naruto. He'd have to thank his mother for allowing that, he had gained a great friend.

The third journal caused him a lot of concern.

_"The Third Hokage has Naruto in an apartment in a poor area of town. The boy has been the whipping boy of the entire village for a while. He's been spat on, yelled at, refused business, and beaten. No one is willing to help him out except for Teuchi and his daughter Ayame who run Ichiraku Ramen. I have tried to make sure that he at least gets enough food but even that is hit or miss. There is a lot of resistance from the villagers and other shinobi. Most would like to see him forced out the village or locked up. The kid has something though, it's like he's channeling Kushina and her unending smile. I can't believe how often he smiles through everything."_

A few pages later was another entry,

" _Naruto was hospitalized this week, According to him it was nothing, but Ayame - the daughter of Teuchi who runs Ichiraku, said he was beaten by a group of village shinobi. She also mentioned that this wasn't the first time. He's healing fast and I think that has something to with him being a jinchuriki. I went to visit him in the hospital and it's clear that even the medical staff don't want to deal with him any more than possible. I also noticed something disturbing, there were cut marks on his forearms. They were faint but the way they ran up the length of his forearm, I suspect they were self inflicted. Just as I suspect the Nine Tails spirit inside him won't allow him to succeed in killing himself, but is one of those tormenting him. The Hokage doesn't see a problem or maybe it's that he doesn't know how to deal with it efficiently, regardless I will be keeping an eye on him as much as possible. The Hokage won't let me get too close to the boy. I don't know his reasoning, but there doesn't seem to be any malice in his orders. If anything he seems to have a soft spot for Minato's son. Ayame has promised that she and her father will do what they can to keep an eye on Naruto. She will let me know if things get bad again. I told her that I'd help with his tab, but she said not to worry that she owes him more than a few bowls of ramen. I'm at a loss as to how to help the boy. I've tried talking to him a couple of times but he's been extra wary of any shinobi approaching him. It's only a couple of weeks before the class graduates from the academy, although according to Shikamaru, Naruto might be the only one held back. Iruka holds out hope, that he'll manage it somehow."_

The journal fell to the table and knocked over his tea cup. He remembered Naruto often coming to class scuffed up, dusty and often covered in scratches and bandages, but he never imagined that he was being bullied and beaten by other shinobi and the villagers. And that Naruto had possibly tried to commit suicide? He was always so over the top enthusiastic, his smile always brightening everyone's day. That this man, one of his best friends actually tried to end his own life? Multiple times according to his dad. The overwhelming desire to check on his friend consumed him until he had to go do it. Checking the time he tried to place just where he would be. The sun was just setting as he left the compound and headed down the Main Street. His first stop was Ichiraku Ramen, but Naruto hadn't been there for a couple of days. Shikamaru headed towards the blonde's apartment, but as soon as he stood outside the door, he could tell it was empty. The chakra traps on the door were elaborate and had Sasuke's signature all over them.

"So HE's back is he?" Shikamaru, lit a cigarette as he leaned against the railing an stared at the door. His mind flipping through places Naruto could be, he narrowed it down to the Hokage's office, the hospital, and possibly Sakura's apartment. The view from Naruto's balcony showcased the best parts of the village. He could see that the extensive rebuilding was nearing the end after more than two years of constant construction, first after Pein's attack and then from the Fourth Great Ninja War. The edges of the old village were just starting to blend into the new, most of the neighborhoods were settled and some of the clans had followed Sasuke's lead and opened the grounds up to other shinobi who were in need of lodging. He leaned against the railing and took another drag. He never really paid attention to the view from Naruto's place. Even though this was a different building then the one the blonde grew up in, it was in a similar position. It was the tallest building around, with Naruto's apartment on the top floor, with a clear view of Hokage mountain to one side, the academy off to another and the main streets right in front. Naruto had always positioned himself to overlook the village. The Shadow nin jumped from the balcony and headed to the Hokage's office. If nothing else, Iruka would likely know something.

The mission room was fairly quiet, Iruka sat behind the desk reading reports, while Raidou handed out a mission scroll to a genin team he was unfamiliar with.

"They seem to be getting younger all the time. And no, that doesn't mean I'm getting old." Shikamaru smirked at Iruka's statement.

"You'll never be old Iruka-Sensei."

"Now you're just being a brat. What can I do for you Shikamaru? You're supposed to have the day off."

"Yeah, I know, and I was just digging through some stuff at home. I actually ran across something that I want to confirm with Naruto, but he's not at home. Has he been sent out on a mission?" Shikamaru tried to come off as relaxed, but the fact was he was still shaken up by what his father had written.

Iruka rubbed the scar over his nose before flipping through the paper work in front of him. "He hasn't been sent out by me and I haven't heard about him being in the hospital lately, but you should check with the Hokage. He should still be in his office."

"Thanks," Shikamaru turned to leave.

"Shikamaru, is there something I should be worried about? If you need to talk I'm off in an hour."

Shikamaru cringed, but didn't turn around, his hand still on the doorknob. He hadn't wanted to worry his former teacher. Iruka had taken over as Naruto's guardian after the death of Jiraya. Not that he needed one legally, but he had needed the emotional support. "No, I'm fine. I just found something that my dad had left in a letter that I want to talk to Naruto about."

"Alright, but remember you have friend here. I don't just worry Naruto, but about all of you."

He nodded and walked out, leaning against the wall just outside. Should he tell Iruka about what his father suspected? Shikamaru thumped his head against the far wall as he leaned back. No, he needed to talk to Naruto first. Confidently he made his way upstairs and to the Hokage's office and knocked.

"Come in."

Opening the door, Shikamaru was glad to see only Kakashi inside. Gai must off doing something else.

"Shikamaru, this is a bit of a surprise, is there something you need?"

"Yes sir, I was wondering if you knew where Naruto is?"

"Naruto?" Kakashi looked at the clock on the wall, it was late enough that he wouldn't be out asking Naruto to join in for training.

"Iruka hasn't sent him out, and Teuchi said he hadn't seen him today."

Kakashi really looked at his head strategist. There was a slight waver in his voice that was unusual for the level headed Nara. "What's got you worried Shikamaru? I'm sure Naruto is fine, He's out on a S-rank mission for me."

"It's just-" Shikamaru didn't know what to say, rubbing the back of his head with one hand he debated just what to say.

"Spit it out, you don't get this worked up over just anything."

His mind reeling with everything that he learned, he knew he needed someone else's perspective. Kakashi would likely be the best as he not only knew and had worked with his father, but he had been Naruto's team leader for a number of years.

"It's a bit of a story."

Kakashi cast him a glance but said nothing, just steepled his fingers together and waited.

"One of Dad's last requests was to get rid of a certain box that he had in his closet. I thought it was just porn magazines, I knew about them but I also knew how my mother felt about them. She would have taken one look at the box and burned it without looking any deeper."

Kakashi just nodded, that would most likely be the exact reaction of Yoshino Nara.

Shikamaru continued, "underneath them I found a large number of journals that he had written in code. The key was there as well. I decided and read the first three, the number on the journals don't seem to correspond to a chronological order but more of a random one. The first one was mostly about his youth and genin team and how the worked together. The second was when he was a Jonin, and the controversy over Minato and Kiushina's marriage. How Choza and others were really against it and then how everyone wanted Naruto out of the village when he was younger."

"Shikamaru, a lot of people had reservations, it wasn't just Choza. He might have been the one your Dad knew best, but that doesn't mean he was alone against Minato and Kushina or Naruto."

"Intellectually I know that but,"

"You're having trouble associating the words your father wrote against a man you know and have seen welcome Naruto in his home and be part of his family. It's alright, most of us have a change of heart at some time over something. Naruto has proven himself a wonderful man who has won over the hearts of many. This shouldn't be too much of a surprise for you."

Taking a deep breath, Shikamaru realized that everything Kakashi had said had been what was running around in his head, "I understand and I guess it's a bit of a shock to read something contrary to how you see them. The biggest thing though was in the last journal I read. It concerns Naruto." Deciding to just say it straight out, Shikamaru squared his shoulders against the disbelief he was sure to come. "Dad wrote on how Naruto had been regularly beaten and degraded by different shinobi in the village. He was worried but every time he voiced his concerns, Lord Third said it was under control. Dad decided to keep an eye on him and found out that Naruto had started cutting and feared that he'd try to kill himself. It shook me up enough that I needed to see Naruto just to reassure myself that he's fine. It's not logical but there it is."

Kakashi ran a hand down his face. Shikamaru was really concerned for his friend and he needed all the facts in order to deal with it. "I was ANBU when Minato and Kushina were killed. I was one of Kushina's guards and I failed. Many of us had strong feeling towards Naruto and not all of them were good. He represented a terrible occurrence in the village. It wasn't fair to blame him, but we often feel the need to blame something when bad things happen." Kakashi felt twenty years older just talking about it. Sure he had been a kid when everything happened, but he was also ANBU, he could have done something. "When I first became team leader, Lord Third had taken me around to see where Naruto and Saskue lived, to give me an idea of what I'd be dealing with. When Shikaku found out I was to be his team leader, he came to me and expressed his own concerns. Then I did my own research. I saw how the others treated him. It was partly my own fault because I never knew how to deal with it. Naruto just took the beatings, went home to patch himself up and continued on as if nothing had happened. It was probably the best way to deal with them, because he kept on living no matter what they did to him. As for him cutting." Kakashi leaned his head back, "I've never seen scars on him, but then the boy heals so fast because of the nine tails that he almost never scared, no matter how bad the wound. I never heard anything about him harming himself, and I never saw anything." He held up a hand to stave off Shikamaru's protest. "I said that I never saw anything, not that it didn't happen. I understand your concern and right now; I want to find him and make sure he's safe too, but we're going to have to have faith in him for time being. I'll make sure to contact you when he comes in."

Shikamaru felt like he could breath again. Kakashi believed him.

"I would suggest that you finish reading the journals. I would also like to look at the one concerning Naruto, or any of the others if you are ok with that. Your father was a brilliant man and if he wrote of anything that could benefit the village I will take it under consideration."

Shikamaru nodded and rose to leave, stopping at the call of his name.

"Shikamaru, you're a good friend, don't beat yourself up over things that happened years ago. Read the journals, take a few days to really understand what your dad was saying before you confront anyone."

The shadow user nodded before leaving the Hokage's Tower and headed towards home. A glance down a side street had him clenching his teeth. A flash of purple and the swing of a long blonde ponytail. Ino. His teammate and friend since childhood was dating some village shinobi that refused to meet him and Choji. In fact Shikamaru didn't think that any of their group had met her new boyfriend, and Ino's behaviour was starting to change.

"One more thing to look into."

"Shikamaru?"

The familiar voice had him stopping, "Lee?" Shikamaru turned to see the spandex clad ninja walking towards him on crutches. "Should you be out of the hospital?" Lee and TenTen had been ambushed and injured on their last mission. TenTen had been released with minor cuts and bruises, but Lee had suffered a broken collarbone and torn ligaments in his left leg.

"Lady Tsunade has given her permission for me to walk around the village for some exercise. I have only just started." Lee watched as Shikamaru smiled and shook his head. "But enough about me. You seem troubled my friend, please tell me how I can assist you?"

Shikamaru just smiled, Lee was the same. "Walk with me?" Perhaps some time with Lee would calm his nerves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made some minor changes and added the italics I had forgotten about to make it easier to distinguish between what is written in the journals and conversations between characters.
> 
> Just a side note, Lee's injuries mentioned at the end of this chapter are a result of stolen Intel that Shikamaru and Shino uncovered.


	2. Consequences

At home that night Shikamaru was glad for the time with Lee. It had given him some much needed space from the topic at hand and allowed him to think rationally on everything he head learned so far. Kakashi had given him some good advice. He would read all of the journals and think on them before reacting again. Naruto had been fine the last time he'd seen the blonde, so it only stood to reason that he was still ok. He laughed to himself. That was the biggest line of bullshit ever. He stood in the middle of the kitchen and tried to figure out if it was worth the trouble to cook something. He wasn't all that hungry, but knew that he should eat something. Rooting around in the fridge he found some left over rice and some chicken in a peanut sauce. Not bothering to heat it up, he stood in front of the sink and ate it straight from the container. Moving back to the living room, he pulled out the box of journals and sat down with a note book of his own. He wasn't sure how he felt about letting Kakashi read the journals, right now he wanted to keep them to himself.

"I'll make note of anything for Kakashi, he'll understand." Settling himself in a chair he picked up the next journal and started reading. He had to smile at his dad's ingenuity but each code was getting harder and harder. While the numbers didn't seem to mean anything, the colors did. The beige ones seemed to be about life in general, the gray ones on the Nara deer and the food pills he was helping Choza's family develop. The black journals talked about the missions he'd been on C- rank to S -rank. Now if only the numbers made a little more sense. The next group of journals seemed to cover his own days at the academy, focusing on his team. A lot of the stuff he was reading was new to him.

 _"Choza wants to pull Choji from the academy. He believes that the boy is too kind hearted and weak to become a shinobi. I have been trying to talk him into allowing him to continue. Inoichi is no help at all, and his treatment of Ino is something else. Neither of them understand that the potential for growth among the three is overwhelming. I know that Shikamaru is lazy, I firmly believe that he's just bored, after all I had the same problem at the academy. I thankfully had a Sensei that posed challenges for me work on. I've gone to Iruka as well hoping that a word from his teacher will have Choza giving his son a second chance._ "

Shikamaru set the journal in his lap, this was different. Academy life without Choji or Ino, he probably would have quit. It was his best friends that kept him out of his head and from over thinking everything. Although during his academy days, he wasn't that close to Ino as she was focused on trying to get Sasuke to notice her.

_"I cornered Inoichi about Choji only to hear that he's trying to get Ino to drop out too. Of course he still believes that women should not be shinobi. 'All Ino's good for is working the flower store and marrying into a good family. At least she's pretty enough.' With Choza agreeing this has got to be the only time I can recall when I actively hating both of my best friends, I've been so mad that I have stopped talking to them and taking to avoiding them at the moment. Instead I've buried myself in the records room. Reading and organizing the bloodline charts. Most of the clan charts are kept in pretty meticulous order. I looked up Minato and Kushina. It's interesting to see that Minato came from fairly innocuous background. His grandfather was a shinobi, but neither of his parents were. Kushina, for all that she came from another village, was the great granddaughter of Lord first. Her grandparents were both Uzumakis, one being the third son of Hashirama and Mito. Mito's journals talk about her clan and just how strong they were. Her sister had sent four women to different villages just before the destruction of the village. Kushina came here, but she wasn't sure where the other three went. Because of their long life spans and enormous chakra control, they apparently test infants to see if they would be good jinchuriki's. Poor Kushina never had a chance, she not only had the chakra reserves but also the sealing jutsu. I feel sorry for Naruto, it's that bloodline and his parents death forced him to be a jinchuriki as well. Shibi was the one to pull me out of records and back onto the training ground. That Aburame is a sneaking one. Our training got back to Choza and Inoichi who wanted to know what the hell I was doing. I told them that since neither of them felt their children were capable of being shinobis that I'd have to find a way to get my shadow possession to work with another team for Shikamaru's sake. That shook them up. At the Chunin exams, I talked to Asuma and he told me not to worry. I guess Lord Third knew some of what was happening, had talked to each of them independently and managed to convince them to let their children stay. Asuma has been a wonderful Jonin for them to look up to. He understands Shikamaru's laziness and challenges him regularly. He's let Choza see that Choji's kind heart is not a weakness, and had managed to open Inoichi's mind to the strength of his daughter. Choji still has self-confidence issues, but Shikamaru is helping him there. My biggest concern is Ino. She seems to put a lot of stock in the value of her looks, almost more then she does in her work and I still blame Inoichi for that."_

Shikamaru closed the journal and set it aside as if it was a bomb. He couldn't believe that men he knew and respected. Men he looked up to as father figures along with his own held these types of opinions. What the hell was he supposed to think now. He had maybe 15 pages left but he wasn't sure if he wanted to read anymore. How would he face Choza. Or Choji and Ino knowing now what he did. Walking out into the kitchen, he grabbed the bottle of sake and poured himself a drink. He'd need a stiff one to continue, especially if the other journals held the same emotional land mines.

" _Asuma has been working with the kids and they are doing well. Choza has relaxed his criticism of Choji and the boy is really starting to blossom. Their relationship is getting stronger and it's nice to hear Choji brag about being the 16th leader of the Akimichi clan and the way he's training so hard to be part of the Ino-Shika-Cho with Shikamaru and Ino. Inoichi has changed too, or at least he's calmed down in public. Shikamaru has noticed that Ino, Sakura and some of the other girls seem focused on their appearance. I've tried to lead him the best I can, but I'm not sure if I know the whole story. Encouraging him without trying to influence him one way or the other is the best I can do. It's damn hard."_

Shikamaru almost breathed a sigh of relief, it seems that his dad, Choza and Inoichi managed to solve their problems. He smiled to himself and shook his head. "Of course they did, moron," his voice rang out in the empty room. He remembered the week leading up to the death of his father and Inoichi. The three men were together constantly, talking about the old days, and their dreams for the future. He could swear there were times the three talked where they did just so Choji, Ino and him could overhear everything. Maybe if he gave it a couple of days, he could go and talk to Choza about what he read.

Over the next couple of days Shikamaru read random journals in his spare time. The journals were a mix about the village and his missions, others were about Clan business and herd reports. He actually remembered seeing the notebooks all around the house, and his dad picking up one at random to write in it. He was glad his dad dated his entries so he could at least get a handle on the timeline. Going through them he knew that some topics were mentioned in more than one journal. He was down to the last two when his mother returned from her vacation.

"Shikamaru, how have you been?" She joined him on the porch.

"I'm fine mom, how was your trip?" He hated how quiet and with drawn she was now. Slowly she was coming out of her shell, but it was taking time. The group party last March had gone a long way to helping both of them remember that they were still alive. It had brightened their spirits and lightened their hearts a little. He listened as she talked about the spa and the village it was in. She had met some nice people and had relaxed.

"So what did you do while I was gone?" He wasn't sure if he should tell her what he was up to, but he tried never to lie to her.

"I went through a box of dad's things."

"You mean that box he thought he had hidden from me in the storage room?"

Shikamaru smiled, dad might have been a genius, but so was his mother. Not much got by her. "Yeah, just asking what would you have done with it?"

"Well, I know that your dad was scared that I'd just toss it. Really, I might have right after I knew he died." Her smile dimmed a little, but eyes shone with love. "Shikaku always thought he could pull one over on me, but I was the one who did all the cleaning. I just left it alone and let him believe I hadn't found it."

"Did you know what was in it?" Shikamaru reached up to help her sit beside him and watch the clouds pass by.

"No, but I'm not sure I ever would have had the courage to open it." They sat in silence for a while watching the sunset and just enjoying each other's company.

"Well at the bottom were a bunch of dad's journals." He tipped his head back and closed his eyes.

"Oh lord, I forgot how he used to write in those." She laughed at the memory, "I swear he was as bad as Kakashi and his Icha Icha. He was always scribbling something. I think he slowed down right about the time Asuma died. I wondered where he squirreled them away. Have you gone through them?"

"Most of them." He didn't want to talk about them yet.

"Hmm, I would venture that they are in code, because your father always wrote in code. Reminders to himself, note to me, even his reports to the Hokage. Said it kept him and the others sharp.  It used to piss Iruka off something fierce, because he never gave the key." She laughed and this time Shikamaru joined in.

He could see Iruka giving his dad shit for that, and his dad giving his little half shrug and continuing to do things the way he thought best. Shikamaru wondered if he should give her the journal he had found about her. It might bring her comfort or cause more tears. No, his mother was strong and if he had written a journal about the woman he married, specially after so many years together, he'd want her to read it.

"Mom, I have a journal that you should have." Shikamaru went to his room to get it, he held it carefully in his hands before handing it over to her. "Dad wrote about you, I skimmed over most of the entries as soon as I realized what the topic was."

Yoshino stroked her fingers over the cover, "thanks Shikamaru."

"I don't want to make you sad, but I think dad would have wanted to you to read it. A lot of these journals are." He stopped because they were not what he expected except that they were. Regardless of the content his emotions were constantly all over the place.

"I bet you've read some things that have been confusing for you eh? You need to remember that you father wrote all of those years ago, most of the time it was a way for him to put things on paper that were bugging him, or things he thought were important, that way he could look at it from all angles and come up with a solution." Standing she let her hand rest on top of her son's head. The son that was so much like his father. "Shikamaru, think of those journals as stories from your father. Shikaku would want to you to use them as learning tools."

"Yeah, Kakashi wanted me to either let him read them or give him a a report. I think I'll take a few days to really go over what dad wrote before deciding if there is anything other than the codes themselves that I should pass onto Kakashi."

"Do whatever you feel is right. Now don't stay up too late."

"Alright, good night mom." Taking the last of the journals into his room, he figured he read them and get it over with. This pet project of his had consumed him for the last week and a half. Opening one he saw one of the most complicated codes yet. It seemed like the more complex the code the stronger his father felt about the topic. Almost like it was a way for him to rid himself of emotions while writing.

_"Iruka has left active duty and has taken on a teaching position. I honestly can't think of a better place for him to be. The man has the steadiest personality and the kindest heart that I know. I glad that Shikamaru is in his class. Most of the kids in Shikamaru's class are strong, and it seems to be pretty evenly split between clan families and non-clan. It'll be good for Shikamaru to deal with kids of different abilities. My main concern is Naruto and Sasuke. The Uchihia needs counseling. That boy has been put through a shit load of trauma and then left on his own. I've brought this up to the Hokage but he thinks the boy is fine. Maybe I've been working with Ibiki too often, but this is exactly the type of situation that has ninja going rogue. As for Naruto I'm worried to about his safety. I've seen more injuries on the boy some of them might be self inflicted, but the others seem to be external. I've tried keeping an eye on him to find out which shinobi or town folk are doing this."_

Shikamaru wished his mother allowed him to smoke inside. He pinched the bridge of his nose as his mind went over everything he'd read. Sasuke and Naruto. The two of them were almost always together, and honestly most of the drama that happened in their group surrounded those two. Of course when he really thought about it putting two orphans with well known pasts together on the same team was only asking for drama.  He continued reading passage after passage.

_"I overheard something disturbing while waiting to submit my report on my last mission. It seems that a couple of the shinobi have the duty to deliver Naturo's monthly allowance. They have been keeping part of the money for themselves. One was even bragging about how he and his ANBU friends had cornered young Uzumaki and beaten him. I guess they have a bet going to see who can put the young blonde in the hospital.  It made me mad imagining Shikamaru in that position. I went to go and check on him right away. Naruto' s apartment is in the worst part of town and when I looked in the window all the furniture showed signs of multiple repairs. I have to admit the kid got the drop on me. I was on the balcony looking in the window when he appeared behind me with a kunai and asked what I wanted. I think he was expecting another beating and was really leery about letting me in. It took me a bit to convince him to relax at least a little. I didn't want to push my luck by asking if I could help with his injuries but I noticed the faint scars along his arms. Those I think were self inflicted. The scrapes and bruises I would have put down to kids being kids if not for the smack I heard earlier."_

The page turned.

_"I went to the Hokage to express my concerns, over Naruto's treatment and living conditions. I was able to take over the handling of Naruto's allowance. I asked for three months in advance and set up an account that would allow him to take out so much a week.  Part of the money goes into a saving account for when he's older it needs something more then just food.  I also have the bank flagging me if he doesn't take any money out.  His mission wages are set to go into the saving account, Minato and Kushina had left their son well off.  Last week I watched as he did his weekly shopping; how he was chased out multiple stores. The only store to sell him anything inflated their prices. No wonder the kid lives on instant ramen. I went to talk to him again and gave him a hint that maybe if he used his transformation jutsu and went shopping as a woman he'd be able to get more for less with the added benefit of extra training. I've been trying to think of other ways to help him without getting too close as the Hokage as already told me to keep my distance from him. I brought up the idea of him moving in with us, Yoshino was ok with it and while I know some in the clan would complain I'm not clan leader for nothing. We're turned down.  Lord Third must have a plan of his own. I guess he's hoping to force Naruto out of his comfort zone. I can't get him to take me seriously with regards to Naruto's safety. I guess a couple of the ANBU have convinced him that I'm just acting as an over-protective father."_

The page turned, for crying out loud did his father just pick up a journal open it to a blank page and write? He was skipping back forth in time with this one. _._

_"Asuma has been named as Shikamaru's team leader and I couldn't ask for anyone better. He's got a good handle on how to deal with Shikamaru, Ino and Choji. Kurani has her own team and I'm sure she'll help the Hyuga Princess break out of her shell and maybe get Shibi's son to talk a little more. Kakashi is team leader for Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura who is non clan. I can understand as Kakashi has the sharingan and can teach Sasuke how to use it as well as it being one way to help control the nine-tails. He was also really close to Minato so that might translate to helping Naruto. Of course it might back fire too." "The Chunin exams were a mess. Orochimaru staged a coup on the leaf. I was at the front gates when Lord Third died. Sasuke took off and on Kakashi's orders, Shikamaru, Naruto and Sakura followed. There was some talk after about Hinata being kidnapped, but that was foiled by Neji, TenTen and Kiba. It seems that all of Shikamaru's classmates have proven themselves worthy to be called Chunin although I don't think all of them will be given the title."_

The page turned _._

" _Jiraya has taken Naruto under his wing. It's a good match, Jiraya was Minato's Sensei and the pair are a lot alike. They're going after Lady Tsunade with the hopes of convincing her to be the next Hokage. The village is slowly falling under Naruto's spell.  The boy has a way of seeing not only the good in everyone, but in getting them to see the good in themselves. Most of the bruises I see on him are now actually from training, although I still evidence of self harm. I've talked to Kakashi and while he seems to take my concerns seriously he hasn't seen any proof. I still try to visit the boy as often as I can. At least now I have a legitimate reason with Shikamaru being a friend."_

The page turned _._

" _Shikamaru lead his first mission this week. It didn't go well. They didn't get Sasuke back and now Choji and Neji are in hospital on the verge of death. Lady Tsunade has been working hard to keep them alive. Kiba has made it known that Shikamaru had the plan and they all agreed to it.  Even though it put him and his ninja hound in the hospital, he told me that he'd follow Shikamaru anytime, that he was a good leader. Now I have to get Shikamaru to understand that sometimes being a leader means that your friends die. It will be a hard lesson for him to learn, but I know that he can rise to the occasion."_

The page turned.

" _Shikamaru has been made Jonin and is in charge of his own team now. I'm so proud of him. I see the way others turn to him for strategy and advice. He truly is a great leader. I'd say he'd make an excellent Hokage if it wasn't for the fact that he likes to work behind the scenes. He'll make a great advisor once I'm gone."_

The page turned.

" _We just found out that Jiraya has been killed by Pein. Shikamaru went to talk to Naruto and missed a call from the ANBU, when I called him on it he said something really profound. He said that something in Naruto makes him want to follow the blonde jinchuriki; to be there for him. I can see it. I can't wait to see what wonderful things that Uzumaki can do. Maybe he really will become Hokage like he keeps saying."_

The page turned _._

" _I'm glad that I listened to Shikamaru and my instincts and let Naruto deal with Pein. The boy is amazing. He has mastered a number of difficult jutsus including Sage jutsu. I fully believe that he will be able to control the nine-tails inside him. I've managed to talk to him a couple of times since Pein's defeat. It's kind of funny watching him learn shoji. He asked me to teach him, thinking that it would help him be a better shinobi. I couldn't help thinking that he's trying to be something that he's not. At least Naruto trusts me enough to ask for help. I've tried to tell him that there is a difference between being smart and being intelligent. His strength isn't in how intelligent he is, but it's in his unpredictability and using the smarts he has. I've noticed a decided lack of scars in the last little bit, however, now I see he has really low self esteem. I wonder how long that has been an issue? I tried to remind him that he has friends that have different strengths and that it's not a show of weakness to rely on them. Hopefully the boy listens. The way he thanked me today for my help, makes me wish I had fought Lord Third harder about Naruto. It might have been interesting to see him and Shikamaru grow up as brothers or for him to have been with Iruka. I've been able to influence Lady Tsunade in who she sends out with Naruto. Many of the older shinobi still hold some resentment towards Naruto, while the younger shinobi like Kotseu or those like Genma, who have worked closely with him, as well as Naruto's year have seen what he can do and trust him."_

Shikamaru closed the last journal before picking up his own pen and writing out the basics of the code he'd just read as well as the key to it. He had a mission tomorrow and he'd use that time to think over everything he'd just read.

 

                                                                           * * *

 

"Shikamaru, please remain here." Shikamaru nodded and watched the rest of his team leave. Their mission had been a success and the report handed in. In a way it still felt weird to be in charge of a team of men, all of whom were older than him. But they were still good men. Did Hokage Kakashi have a problem with how he was leading the team?

Kakashi gave no clues and even Gai looked confused. The room emptied and it was just Shikamaru, Gai and him, "I'm curious as to what you found out from Shikaku's journals."

For once Gai was quiet. Likely waiting to get the full story out Kakashi later. Shikamaru sighed and rubbed the back of his head.

"Well I made note of all of the codes and their keys that dad liked to use an gave them to Cryptology. If you don't mind I'd like to keep the journals with me, it's. Well. They're kind of like stories dad left for me to learn from."

Kakashi took in the blushing Nara and agreed, "alright no problem there. Would you be willing to let me know what he said in some of them? Especially those concerning Naruto?"

"If dad was right, from before he started the academy until just before he left to go train with Jiraya; Naruto had been the victim of bullying. Everything from verbal abuse, refusal of business and physical beating by villagers and shinobi of the Leaf."

"Was he sure of the abuse?" Kakashi didn't want to believe it but if Shikaku knew something, then chance were he was correct. The question would be had he told Lord Third and what if anything had been done.

"Yeah he wrote about overhearing a bet that the shinobi who landed Naruto in hospital without killing him would win a large sum of money. I guess dad tried to get custody of Naruto, but Lord Third wouldn't let him." Kakashi let out a deep sigh. How much different would Naruto's life had been if he had gone to live with the Nara's. "I don't know what would have happened if he had, and I refuse to dwell on it. It also appears that Naruto had tried on numerous occasions to end his own life. Dad figured that Kurama was the reason he never succeeded. Kurama is most likely the reason he doesn't scar. He also noticed his low self esteem, but again was at a loss as how to help or even if he could. It may be these hardships that had him reacting the way he did when the village elders called him 'a tool of the Leaf to be used as they saw fit' when Lady Tsunade was ready to name her successor." Those two had done a lot of damage to Naruto's confidence and Shikamaru wasn't sure if he was able to counter the effects. His thoughts were immediately echoed.

"Those two sure did a lot of damage, while I don't like to speak ill of people; I am happy they both took retirement when Lady Tsunade left. This village needs the power of youth to sustain it."

Gai shook his head and took a deep breath, "but this idea of Naruto hurting himself disturbs me. Does he still?"

Shikamaru looked out the window rubbing the back of his neck, "I don't know, he's been out of town since I started reading the journals. I want to talk to him to see that he's ok. At the same time I'm scared to bring this up in case he's stopped and talking about it brings up bad memories."

"He's stronger that that, Shikamaru. If you're really worried we can talk to him together, someplace less formal then the office here, but more private than Ichiraku's. His apartment might be the best place to talk. He's due back any day now and Sasuke will be leaving on his own mission the day after if his routine holds." Kakashi wanted to give him some time to decompress, to be with his friends before they sprung this on him. "Don't worry Shikamaru, I'll call you when he gets back and the two of us will talk to him about this. Gai, I need you to keep quiet about this. If he needs counseling I'll make sure he gets it, but we don't want this to get out and have everyone focus on it."

Gai nodded, "we will keep him safe."

"Now, that we've talked about Naruto, was there anything else that worried you about your dad's journals?" Kakashi didn't want Shikamaru to worry too much, the young man had enough going on in his life.

"Not really, it's just going to take me some time to reconcile what I knew about the people mentioned in the journals with what my father wrote." Shikamaru's fingers were starting to twitch, he wanted a smoke bad. Either that or he wanted to hit something. "Some were about different missions he had been on. I've stored those in with the other mission reports. There were a number that had information about the Akimichi food pills and the herd of deer that we look over. I've marked them to make sure they go with rest of the research documents. The last bunch, that I'm keeping, were more personal, those are the ones that talk about Naruto and the rest of us." He smirked to himself, the way his dad had seemed to focus on him and Naruto you could swear that they really were brothers.

"Look, go train, beat the shit out the training post and when you're a little calmer then go out for BBQ with Choji and Ino. You three have been friends forever, don't ever forget how far they'll go for you." Kakashi watched Shikamaru leave. Kakashi rubbed his hand down his face and spun his chair to look out the window behind him. There was nothing for him to do right now but wait for Naruto to return. Kakashi let his mind wander. Had he failed as a leader and mentor to not notice the danger Naruto had been in? Kakashi knew that Naruto had so little time to relax anymore and if he really did try to kill himself in the past, talking about it is going to stress him out. Since the war most of the leaf shinobi have going on back to back missions with little or no time to rest fully. Sasuke and Naruto had been going out more than the others, Sasuke to do penance and Naruto because he wouldn't take no for an answer. He'd have to make sure that Shikamaru didn't over do it either, the man had a tendency to feel responsible for a lot especially for his friends, even if it didn't look like the man did anything more than sit and watch the clouds.

"You are over thinking this my friend." Gai's voice reminded him that he wasn't alone. "Naruto is fine and will continue to be fine. We will be there for him no matter what, even if we need to force him to face his past. It can't be helped that Sakura is leaving today for a two week mission to help a village mediator dealing with a will reading, and like you said Sasuke will leave again the day after Naruto gets back. We make sure that when we talk to him that he has others he can lean on if he needs it. Have faith, you have guided him through many minefields and he has come out stronger for it."

"Gai don't ever change," Kakashi realized that his best friend and advisor was right. He had made mistakes, but he was human. Naruto was a strong man now and they would deal with this like they dealt with everything thrown their way. Together.

"I'm feeling much like Shikamaru right now. I just want him home so I can see for myself that he's fine. The stupid thing is this all stems from journal entries from Shikaku years ago, and we've seen him since."

 

                                                                           * * *

 

It was the middle of the night when Naruto made it back into the village. He was tired and just wanted some sleep. A quick glance at the Hokage tower let him know that Kakashi had gone home for the night. His own bed sounded good, so he made his way straight to his apartment. Climbing in through his balcony door, he turned at the flash of movement and received a pillow right in the face.

"Huh? Wha.." he body reacted and he crouched to attack.

"You injured, dobe?" The growling voice resonated in the darkness and the slight change in air pressure, confirmed that there was movement. Naruto ducked as another pillow came his way.

"Sasuke, what the hell are you doing?"

"You need to loosen up."

"So you think hitting me with a pillow is going to loosen me up?" Naruto launched the pillow back at his best friend. Sasuke laughed and dodged the pillow. It was a good sound, healthy. It was a real laugh among friends.

"Come on dobe, I saved you some supper." Naruto walked around the disaster that was now his room and into the kitchen. Lifting the lid of the pot on the stove he looked inside then at the Uhichia.

"So did you cook this or did someone help you?"

"Relax moron I picked it up from the restaurant down the street."

"Good, cause the last thing I need after the mission I was just on, is food poisoning." Naruto filled a bowl before holding it out in Sasuke's direction.

At the shake of his head, Naruto sat down at the table and started eating. It wasn't the best meal he'd eaten, but the flavours worked well together, and he didn't have to cook it. "So tell me what's up? You wouldn't be starting a pillow fight for no reason."

"Like you said, you've been on a tense mission. I could feel your stress when you were still outside the village. Did you at least finish your mission, or did you get side tracked again?"

"Ass," Naruto laughed as he took another bite. "I don't get that distracted that easily."

Sasuke just huffed as he pushed his Raven hair away from his eyes.

"And yeah I finished the mission. I guess I'm just tired." The blonde took his dishes to the sink and washed them. "I'm going to grab a shower."

Sasuke watched his friend walk into the bathroom. Maybe he had worried for nothing. Tilting his head to the side he re-evaluated what he was sensing, there was something off in the air yet. Some type of danger that was surrounding his friends. He'd already gone in to talk to Kakashi and knew that the rest of the crew were ok. Shino, Hinata, and Sakura were all out on separate missions and Sai and Naruto had just gotten back, although Naruto hadn't been expected for another day. The Uhichia went sank down onto the couch. Maybe it was just as Naruto had said and he was just tired. The bathroom door opened and Sasuke watched as Naruto came down the hall.

He had a towel wrapped around his trim waist and one draped over his head. His prosthetic arm was wedged under what was left of his right arm and his clothes were held in his left. "I need to do laundry tomorrow. Maybe get a haircut and shave my head."

"You say that every time you come back from a mission. Just do it already, a buzz cut would look good on you and then maybe you can work up the nerve to ask Hinata out for real." Naruto felt a blush creep across his his and down his chest. Sasuke was the only one he'd told about his crush on lavender eyed Chunin.

Seeing the smirk on his roommates face he knew he had to fight fire with fire, "and when are you going to get off your lazy ass and ask Sakura to marry you?" Finally realizing the time and that Sasuke was here alone, he asked, "speaking of which, where is she?"

"Mission, two weeks she said, just a chaperone of some dignitary."

"You sticking." He called from his bedroom door as he went to pull on some sleep pants.

"Nah, I'm leaving tomorrow night. The Hokage wants me to do some recon, so I'll likely be gone quite a while this time. I need to do some restocking before I leave."

Naruto sat beside his friend, "hit Ten Ten's shop, she has the best weapons and summoning scrolls around." The two sat in the quiet of the living room, Naruto on the left side of the couch and Sasuke on the right; both of them unconsciously sitting with their good arms on the outside, ready to attack if need be. They let the silence grow, slowly relaxing in each other's presence until they nodded off.

Naruto was in the kitchen cooking when the knock came. Still talking to Sasuke who was drinking his tea, the blonde opened the door to Kakashi and Shikamaru. "Hey, come in. Kakashi was I just going to eat then come to give my report. Honest."

Kakashi laughed as he walked past his former student and into the heart of the apartment. Sasuke looked up at the men entering. Kakashi was smiling but he could see something weighing down on the man. The shadow user behind him also looked troubled. Was it because of him or something concerning Naruto. Looking over at his friend, Naruto was talking away, ignoring or maybe ignorant of the worries the new comers had. Listening to him ramble onto some silly story, Sasuke saw the look in Naruto's eye and changed his mind, he was likely doing it on purpose to lighten their worries. That was the way he was.

"Sasuke," Kakashi ran a practiced eye over the pair. Naruto wore only a pair of low riding sleep pants while Sasuke was fully dressed and ready to go, drinking his tea. The Hokage acknowledge the man sitting at the table with a nod before joining him, "you're leaving today right?"

Naruto walked back into the kitchen to finish cooking and Shikamaru walked in behind him.

"Yeah, I need to get some supplies before I leave." Sasuke watched as Shikamaru poured a cup of tea for Kakashi, hand it off and then go back to lean against the counter talking to Naruto in low tones. "What's going on?"

"Shikamaru has some questions for Naruto. Something he read in one of his father's journals." Sasuke watched as Shikamaru pulled dishes out the cupboard. The Nara worked well with Naruto, he was a good friend.

"Kakashi, can I talk to you after breakfast, without the shadow."

Kakashi nodded and watched as Naruto plated food for four and join the pair at the table. The conversation flowed naturally. He treasured moments like this, sure Shikamaru and Sasuke weren't the closest, but with Naruto there as a bridge everything went a little smoother. Naruto got up and cleared the table, while Shikamaru helped him to put the leftovers away.

"Hey, 'Ruto I'm going to put my sheets in the laundry, can you finish them? I have everything else done."

"Yeah, no problem. You packed?"

"Just a couple of things left before I stop at Ten Ten's." He met Naruto's eye across the room and a wealth of feeling passed between them. "See ya when I get back."

"Safe travels." Naruto whispered. He always worried when Sasuke left the village. Scared that he'd get hurt, scared that he wouldn't come back. He saw Kakashi follow Sasuke down the hall. Some last minute instructions maybe. "So Shikamaru, you gonna tell me why the two of you are here? Not that I mind getting a visit from friends, but I know how you feel about Sasuke. Generally you'd wait until after he left before coming over."

Shikamaru was shocked. He didn't realize that he'd actually done that. It's true that he still didn't trust Sasuke not to hurt his friends but to be so obvious that even Naruto had picked up on it. "I'll try to be here more for him and for you."

"You didn't answer my question though. Why'd you guys come? If it was a mission, Kakashi would just call me to the office."

"Let's wait for Kakashi to come back. I know he wanted to ask Sasuke a couple of things first, then we'll talk."

"Just tell me, is everyone safe?"

"Everyone is fine, to my knowledge Naruto. Now while we're waiting why don't I go over some of these files with you." The Nara clan leader ignored the eye roll and opened a file folder.

 

                                                                                     * * *

 

Kakashi followed Sasuke down the hall to the room he used when he was here. The last time he'd been in it was when Naruto had asked for help to move in a bed and dresser. A desk, chair and small table with pillows had been added. It had been right after Naruto had found out that Sasuke stayed either at the barricks or he camped just outside of the village when he was home. He had already donated the Uhichia compound for village use and all the houses there had been given to other families. Looking inside now, he saw the room had been painted a bright white with the Uhichia fan stenciled on the wall at the head of the bed. Pictures of 'the rookie 9' graced the walls as did a painting. Walking over to examine it closer he saw that it was Sasuke and Sakura and that Sai had signed the bottom.

"Your room has changed since I was last here."

Sasuke heard no judgement in his voice, just plain fact. "The last couple of times I've come back he's changed something. Trying to make me feel more comfortable I guess."

Kakashi looked over at the student he felt he failed the most, "he's trying to make a home for you."

Sasuke shrugged. "Anyway, why are you and Shikamaru here. Is Sakura alright? You're not sending Naruto out again are you?"

The Hokage sat at the desk but watched as Sasuke continued to pack. "Sakura left only 48 hours ago, it's an easy mission, but one that may need the aid of a medical ninja which is why she was chosen. No, our goal here today is Naruto."

"He needs a break. He's exhausted, but won't say anything."

Kakashi watched as the raven haired ninja careful folded up a pillowcase and stuffed it in his pack.  A pillowcase?  That might be something to ask about another time.  'Interesting, he's feeling protective.' "No, I'm not sending him out. Shikamaru found some information about Naruto as a kid and he wants to talk to him about it."

Sasuke thought back to when they were young. He'd been so wrapped in his own thoughts of revenge that he never gave anyone else the time of day. In fact it wasn't until after the war and Naruto beating some sense into him, that he even thought about anyone else but himself. "I didn't care about him then. Hell, you could say I was a self centered, egotistical jerk until about a year ago."

"You're his friend now, so cherish that." Kakashi didn't want to worry the man, especially since he was leaving on a complicated and long mission right away. "You both have a good support system in your friends, even if you don't see it. Shikamaru and I just want to clear a couple of things up. If he needs you, he'll let you know. Trust in him."

"Always." Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Sasuke left his room, Kakashi behind him, and headed towards the front door.  A quick wave in the direction of the kitchen and the Uhichia was off.

Naruto poured some more tea for his Sensei and sat at the table waiting for them to start. He closed the file and watched as Shikamaru toyed with his tea cup.

Where to start. The beginning he supposed, Kakashi would give him the lead on this. Shikamaru took a breath and just jumped in. "Just before dad died, both he and Inoichi had some private messages for us. One of the things he told me was to get rid of a certain box in the closet. After we got back to the village I moved the box into my room and just left it there. Maybe I wasn't ready, I don't know. I just know that I couldn't open it then." He started to fidget with his cup again and Naruto got up, opened the kitchen window and brought back an ashtray he kept just for Shikamaru. "Thanks. Anyway I opened it this past week. Inside were the expected skin mags."

Naruto smiled, "give the skin mags to Ebisu and watch him flip out." Aside from Kakashi; Ebisu was the biggest pervert around, rivaling Jiraya.

Shikamaru smiled at that, "that might be interesting. Anyway under the magazines were a lot of dad's journal. Do you remember those little books he always wrote in?" At Naruto's nod, he continued, "well they were all in code, and it's be a challenge to decipher them. Dad wrote about his time as a genin, missions, and other events in the village. The biggest topic was you."

Naruto cocked his head to the side, Shikaku wrote about him. "Me? Really? Why?"

"He was worried about you. He found out about some of the villagers and other shinobi refusing you business, the verbal taunts and physical beatings, the theft of your money and things. I guess he tried to approach you a couple of times, but you were justifiably wary of an adult seeking you out without cause."

"Man, I forgot about that."

Naruto's comments had the pair jerking their heads up in surprise, but it was Kakashi who put a voice to it, "you forgot the fact that people would beat you for no real reason?"

He rubbed the back of his head with his right arm drawing attention to the puckered skin. He wasn't wearing his prosthetic, so he was really just rubbing the side of his head with the stump of his arm. "Well to be fair I was a brat back then, and nothing's happened in the last three years."

"Do you remember.." Kakashi stopped, how did he ask which shinobi had hurt this man.

Naruto knew what he wanted, but wasn't going to give it to him. "Some are still around, but some are gone either having moved on or died in the war. I won't single them out Sensei. We've come to terms. Many of them have apologized over the years, and many I have forgotten."

"There's something else that dad wrote about," Shikamaru would revisit the bullying issues later. "I'm not sure how to bring this up, but..."

"Spit it out man."

"Dad was worried that you had tried to commit suicide. He saw marks, scars on your arms that he didn't think were from training." Shikamaru stared into the face he knew so well.

Kakashi listened in, glad now that he was sitting beside Naruto instead of across from him. If the blonde needed his support, he was going to be there. Although it was looking more like he'd been the one in need of emotional support.

Naruto looked at his left arm, there were no visible marks, but he was clearly seeing something else. "Back just after I started going to the academy, things got really bad. I wasn't doing well, the bullying seemed to escalate, and then I was hearing a voice in my head. It was telling me that I was worthless, I'd be a complete failure as a ninja, that it would be better if I just ended my life. I know now that the voices was Kurama. We've made our peace, but at the time it was really hard. I thought that if I just wasn't around that it would be better. Yeah, I tried to kill myself. The only ways I could think of was poison or slitting my wrists. Kurama was able to expel any poison I got my hands on. After the first time cutting my wrists I realized that I was going the wrong way. You cut up the length of your arm not across the wrists, it's faster and supposedly in the end, less painful. Anyway, any time I tried he'd stop the bleeding before it got too bad. I think he took a great deal of pleasure in tormenting me until I was at my wits end and then refusing to allow me to die. It wasn't until the Chunin exams and my battle with Gaara that Kurama stopped tormenting me that way. I mean we didn't become friends until before the war, but during Pein's attack and when Jiraya died he was almost comforting."

"Naruto?" Kakashi's voice was shaky. He didn't want to believe it. "When was the last time you tried?"

Naruto closed his eyes and tipped his head back, "Umm, well I guess, maybe, the night before the Chunin exams." He could remember, "I'd been trying so hard to be positive. I was with a team now and I had the biggest crush on Sakura and then there was Sasuke." He didn't mention Kakshi handing him off to Ebisu like he was an annoyance, "The problem was that Kurama hadn't been letting me sleep through the night that week. Then a number of the village shinobi had been by to remind me that I was useless and a disgrace to the Leaf, that was a beating to remember." He laughed, thinking on all the times those same shinobi had cornered him just to remind him that he was worthless. They'd all apologized, some sooner then others, but Naruto had forgiven them and now trusted them at his back. "Anyway, I figured I'd try one more time, but Kurama stopped me again and then my fight with Neji, well that just pissed me off. I mean Hinata had always tried her best and she was smart and kind and he was razzing her for it. Talking about not being able to change your destiny, well that was a load of bullshit. It started to hit me then that I didn't really believe what everyone had been saying about me. Then the forest and Orichimaru's attack on Sasuke. I looked up to Sasuke, so I wanted to protect him so he could reach his full potential. Meeting and fighting Gaara really opened my eyes to the friends I did have and what I could do. I mean Iruka had been there for me and your Dad, even Lord Third had helped me when he could. "

"My dad?"

"Shikaku always seemed to be around. He gave me little pointers. When he was the one to handle my money he spent time teaching me how to look after it, how to save and budget. I'm sure that wasn't easy for him. I mean you know how stupid I am Shikamaru. It took forever to learn. I still use the cheat sheet he created for me to make sure that I'm following the budget he suggested."

Shikamaru paled, the way Naruto talked so casually about cutting his wrists had left him shaken. This was one of his best friends. How had he missed it. The fact that he still had a low opinion of himself was also cause for concern. He met the Hokage's eyes and saw that Kakashi also realized the problem. Taking a deep breath he shifted his gaze to the table. One problem at a time.

"Hey, don't look like that," Naruto had just been remembering what his life had been like, he hadn't been thinking of the impact his words would have on these two men. "It's not like I tried to kill myself every week, and I haven't thought of it in years."

"I just," Shikamaru's hand was shaking as he lifted the cigarette to his lips, he didn't know what to say.

"It's shocking to think that you were going through all of this and that we didn't know. When Shikamaru read his Dad's journals he rushed to come and check on you to make sure that you alright. " Kakashi tried to explain what the two of them were feeling. "We both did."

"Well in a way they were right, if it wasn't for Kurama, I wouldn't have any strength at all. I'm not smart, I mean you guys need to explain things like four times to me. I don't excel at anything. How many times have I just jumped into situations because I don't think and had you all come up with a plan to save the day?" Naruto stared off into his tea. "I've always followed my heart and sometimes that's led to trouble," he looked up as Kakashi laughed, "alright so it almost always lead to trouble. But I've learned a lot, and I think I've grown since then. The villagers don't look down on me any more and I really feel like I fit in. Of course I still need your help with a lot of things and if I ever do become Hokage I'll be relying on you even more, both of you."

Shikamaru realized that Naruto really was going to be okay. They'd have to work on his self confidence, but they could do that. "Sorry man, I guess reading those journals of my dads affected me more than I knew. I mean a lot of this is new to me, you're one of my best friends and to think that you went through all of that and I didn't know; well it hurts man. But I also know that you're stronger then anyone I know and it was those experiences that made you that way. Yeah you jump before you look, but that's what we love about you. It pushes us to keep up, to train harder, think smarter, and work together. As for not being a genius, do you remember my dad talking about the difference between being smart and being intelligent? You may not be that intelligent, but you are the smartest man I know." Shikamaru stubbed out his cigarette. "You will always lead with your heart and that makes you not only unpredictable but also true to yourself. Please don't ever try to change."

Kakashi spoke up, "To be honest I'm not sure that we did the right thing asking about this. I know we were both worried about bringing up bad memories for you. It seems that what it brought up was concerns regarding our own shortcomings." Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose, "I'm realizing now just what bad Sensei I was. I missed so many signs and ways to help you. We're not going to focus on that, I guess we just wanted to make sure that you knew we're both here for you now." Shikamaru nodded and Kakashi continued, "I know you also have Sakura, Sasuke, and Iruka but please don't forget the rest of us, if you need someone to lean on."

"I don't want you to dwell on it now that you know. I mean I've never told anyone about it. I doubt Sasuke or Sakura even know and I don't want them to. Sasuke has enough on his plate, trying to prove to himself and the village that he's changed. Trying to win Sakura back is taking a lot of his time and if he suddenly starts to worry about me I don't know what will happen." Naruto got up from the table and walked to the window. Looking out over the village he loved and worked so hard to protect. Kurama let out a rumble, it was almost a purr and it made the blonde smile. The nail tails had more than made up for the all of the torment he been put through, "I don't want this to be all that you think of when you see me."

Shikamaru laughed and joined his friend at the window, "oh it won't be. I know that I'll be focusing on whatever stunt you pull next." He put an arm around the blonde's shoulders and pulled him close for a moment. "The issue here is with me and wanting to keep all of you around me, safe and happy. Reading my dad's journals knocked me for a loop and I got worried. You give your all to everyone, fighting to protect us and make sure that we're happy. I guess I just want to make sure that you know we want to do the same for you." He nudged the shoulder beside him. "The only ones that know about what my dad wrote are Kakashi, Gai and myself. We'll keep it that way so long as you promise to let us know if you need help. We can't keep leaning on you forever, Naruto. You're allowed to lean on us too."

Naruto smiled. Shikamaru would keep his word and things would stay quiet. He hadn't meant to worry his friends, but Shika was right. He'd worry regardless, and better find out now after the majority of the shit he'd dealt with was gone, then when everything was going down. Everyone would have focused what a loser he was back then. "Alright," Naruto looked at his friend, the genius. "How are you doing? It must have been hard reading your dad's words again. How's your mom?"

Kakashi leaned his elbows against the table and smiled. That was Naruto, they came because they were worried about him and he turned it around with his concern about his friends well being. He was growing in to a fine man and he would be an excellent Hokage. The village was going to be in good hands with this pair at the helm.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is not Beta'd
> 
> As a child I went through a great deal of bullying and realize that each persons experience is different. I depicted Naruto going through it in much the same way as I did and in a way that I think matches his personality.


End file.
